I was seventeen years old, chubbier than I am now and more timid than the definition of the word itself. Public speaking, public anything for that matter, was not at all appealing. It was right out frightening. What in the world was I doing competing in a pageant? I-HAVE-NO-IDEA!!! Perhaps it was the thought of feeling glamourous or the smile that came to my mother's face when I told her someone had the audacity to suggest I should enter the local town's pageant. Me - compete for the pageant?! They were crazy - CRAZY I tell you! But I think their lack of mental stability at that exact moment has completely defined a large portion of my personality today. As a contestant in the pageant I messed up in so many possible ways - I was {Well, I am still not} a dancer and for the love of everything chocoloate I cannot hold a beat or keep rhythm. So all the weeks of rehearsals and practicing smiling made little to no impact on my style.
I fondly remember wearing heels for the first time and having my mom teach me how to walk like a lady. That was my favorite part - hanging out with my momma ;) During the personal interview portion of the pageant I completely fell apart - nervously of course ;) We had to stand during our interviews and no matter how hard I tried to stop shaking from being so completely nervous, my right leg did it's own little dance. Really, it shook so uncontrollably the panel of judges must have wanted to laugh. What made me nervous was the public speaking. For most of my life I had been so timid and ultra shy. I'd rarely speak - even to my own parents. I was just shy. The pageant went along and I messed up our contestant dance but who cared - I just wanted to the night to be over. Then the most dreaded part came up - the Onstage Interview.
I was definitely not looking forward to this moment at all. A multitude of weird thoughts crossed my mind. What if I can't physically speak? What if I say something irrelevant and not-smart? What if I just stay there and listen to the crickets sing? What if I had just stayed quiet... Then I definitely would not be who I am today. I answered my question and vaguely do I remember what I said. It was something short and to the point and then I quickly walked back to my spot. The moment of truth was upon us contestants and the judges were ready to announce who they chose as their winner.
If you think this is a complete happy ending and you think I won you are most certainly wrong! But it was indeed a happy ending. I'll tell you why... As they called out the names of the girls who made the top five I was nervous. I just wanted the curtains to close and go away. Then something amazing happened, I made it to the top five. I swear my mother has a picture of me with the most confused and bewildered look on my face. Then as they announced the winners I was shocked to have earned the second place. What?! I was really excited and in a split second after having my name called as a runner up all the shyness I once possessed mysteriously went away - well, almost ;)
That night changed the way I viewed myself as person and possible role model. I realized participating in the pageant helped me overcome minor obstacles preventing me from expressing to the world the little person inside me full of ideas, creativity and lots of love. I competed in a few other pageants and each time I enjoyed losing, placing, and winning. And each time I learned a little something about myself. Overall, I learned I very much like public speaking and enjoy talking to people on a personal and more general spectrum.
Now why have I just bored you with my pageant novel? Dear reader and beloved friend, I thought I'd write this to remind myself that only I can keep myself from climbing higher and being successful. Sometimes I step back and notice myself crawling into a little shell because I feel helpless and very shy. I noticed this a few weeks ago when I attended the 2nd RGV Photographer's Hangout. I was shy, quiet pretty much wanted to crawl into my shell. Sometimes when I meet new people they are a little shocked to find out all the extra things I do and organize in my life aside from my normal life. They'll comment how they'd never expect it from someone so shy. I know, right? It bewilders me still. But I've noticed that when it's something I really enjoy and makes me smile I become the Marisol who talks to much and can't stop smiling. But deep down inside I am still quiet, sometimes too quiet.
I've written this post to remind myself that even when an occasion seems like it's set up for me to fail and fall, I've conquered many obstacles and all it takes is belief in yourself and a good heart. I believe in myself... I think I just had to remind myself. Thanks for reading ;)
On a more lighter note... Here are a few announcements... I have booked another wedding ;) Yay! That makes 6 weddings booked since January 2010 - Thank you Jesus :) I have also been keeping busy with many things including lots of photo sessions so I'll be blogging those very soon - promise. I have three more sessions scheduled for this weekend so lots of photos to see next week too. I'm off for lunch with my parents so I'll leave you with a peek at a last minute session I did a few weeks ago. You'd never believe the location, really -- It's funny :)
Happy Thursday :)
