I have been meaning to write new blog posts and catch you up on some of my most recent sessions. Earlier today I knew which session I wanted to share with you, my faithful reader, but on the way home this evening from a trip to the local ice cream shop something else came to mind.
Not in the usual ways in which I think about our father nor in the form of thanking him for the parking space, the exact quarters I needed for a Coca Cola or for placing an extra memory card in my camera bag at just the right moment. This time it was a little different. I drove home with the ice cream in my hand and the spoon in my mouth munching away while feeling for a mere minute and a half like my blood was boiling. I felt angry, betrayed and helpless.
As I drove into my drive way and failed at parking correctly because I was much more concentrated on eating my ice cream, a great song came on the radio, the christian radio. During the drive from getting ice cream to my drive way I prayed for peace - peace of mind and peace of heart. When I finally reversed correctly I sat there in my car smiling, praising and worshiping.
I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe he died on the cross for our sins and that he is seated at the right hand of God. One day he will come again and I pray that I am saved. But I have not been to church on a regular basis in a very long time. I don't know why, I really don't. A few people have reminded me that I need to go back. I need to hear the word.
And I do. And for a few months now I have felt like such a bad child for neglecting to attend church regularly. I often tell myself that Christ lives in me. I thank him daily, continuously and pray to God very often. God is with me in or out of church. That's my rationality.
But I don't hear the word. I can read it but I don't hear it from someone else. But today, just literally a few minutes ago, I realized that I do. I do hear the word. I do worship. As I sat there in my car, I thought about all the times I sit at the wheel and drive listening to the word on the radio, in form of songs. I sing out loud, very loud, and I cry. If I feel the spirit, I cry. During my drives around the valley is when I talk the most to God .
It's when I ask him, with tears in my eyes, to take my hand and guide me. I worship. I realized that the same feeling I get when I'm in church is what I feel when I devote my time to him - completely. So today, singing along to Francesca Battistelli one of part of her lyrics stuck with me..
"In the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed..."
Now matter how I am feeling at any given moment, I am blessed. The struggles I endure are only to make me stronger. It is because God created me to sufficiently handle every good and bad thing that comes my way. It is because he made me to withstand losing people I love and meeting people I have to fight for. Because God made me, I can cry for my dad. I can miss him. I can cry for him. But I can also remember him, in my life.
I choose to no longer feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious nor fearful for anything in my life. I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed!
Now, I don't have a photo to go along with this post as I had other plans to blog. But because I felt I just needed to write this down, for myself, I will let you in on a little, itty bitty secret...
I HAVE AN OFFICE SPACE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew. It's been hard to spilling the beans for almost a month now. This is a big deal for me... more on this soon - promise!
Oh, and yes... my website should be back up tomorrow evening ;)